The Notes App
my own personal little slice of heaven/hell
The Notes app is by far my most-used app, as well as the most useful app the iPhone has ever seen. (Second only to the app “iBeer”, in which you can put your device up to your mouth and tilt it back, pretending you are chugging a digital beer. Made huge waves in the iPod touch community in 2011.)
The Notes App has seen me at my darkest, broodiest, most productive, happiest, most nostalgic, most anxious-list-making, and yet it is still there for me day after day! In one of the newer updates, Apple automatically downloaded a new app called “Journals” to everyone’s devices. Journals, honey, what makes you think you can run with the big dogs? I don’t need your weak little writing prompts to get my juices flowing. The juices are already flowing directly into Notes App’s wide-open mouth!
Notes App has been there for me since the dawn of my adolescent consciousness. (And yeah, I do miss the old format but I’ve chosen her and I can’t be telling her to change how she looks just because I liked it better before.) You can’t think that kind of bond will just magically disappear just because of a daily journaling reminder. Notes App allows me to draw shitty pictures when I was high that one time before I couldn’t smoke weed anymore. She allows me to make grocery lists that I’ll never look at once while actually in store. She allows me to write the shittiest poetry you’ve ever read, and hasn’t once judged me for it! I love the Notes App.
I hate the Notes App. It’s too accessible. It’s too easy for me to wake up at 4 AM and write down the intelligible idea for a short story I’ll never write. It’s too simple for me to make lists of which of my friends hates me and every reason why. It’s too perfect for drafting quitting emails/sensitive, truth-telling texts that need lots of editing before sending.
To prove my point, here are some Notes App entries I am willing to share although there are many many more that should and will never see the light of day including but not limited to: my anxiety lists, embarrassing memories i needed to write down for some reason, passwords, notes for stories i actually do think i’ll write, etc.
Please enjoy!
January 14, 2024 at 9:33 PM
I think i killed my vagina
Part of it anyway
December 31, 2023 at 9:48 PM
PAY RENT
December 29, 2023 at 9:09 PM
Guilt about wasting youth
December 28, 2023 at 2:54 PM
What pieces of me
Come from my paternal grandmother
December 27, 2023 at 7:36 PM
I can’t stop
Biting the inside of my lip. Ripping off tiny pieces of flesh and I don’t know why. I’m self-cannabilizing in the smallest way
December 26, 2023 at 12:34 PM
Energetically
Panera bread and jeopardy are similiar in terms of the people they attract
October 19, 2023 at 7:46 AM
Jimmy nuetron = boygenius
September 30, 2023 at 12:58 AM
Everytime i get sad about like
Not doing much or like being lazy i have to remember that at least im not a fucking gamer. I have real hobbies like knitting
September 26, 2023 at 12:04 AM
I like just heard about umami
As well as cunt
September 7, 2023 at 6:54 AM
Yall seen some body knocking a ball a yarn around?
It is my god given right to do fuckall except for sot on this american soil and knit whatever the hell i want to
September 11, 2023 at 4:35 PM
Hi!
I was feeling pretty sick last night, and then woke up this morning with a fever. I can’t come in for my shift today. So sorry for the short notice!
Best,
Abby Jacobson
Hi,
I wanted to let you know that unfortunately, I will have to end my time at (blank) immediately due to my recieving another higher paying job opportunity that requires my availability as soon as possible. I’ve truly enjoyed the people I’ve met through my time at (blank) , and I hope you can understand and know that my quitting is not a decision I’ve made lightly. You have been incredibly kind in allowing me to transfer to your store, and I cannot thank you enough for taking me in with open arms.
Best,
Abby
(editor’s note: CANNOT BELIEVE I JUST REALIZED THAT I QUIT MY JOB WITH NO WARNING ON 9/11.)
August 1, 2023 at 3:01 PM
Some people just have that thing where they comment fire emojis… and some just don’t
July 15, 2023 at 5:32 PM
My dad’s great but sometimes i see a clip of steve martin and im like….
Get me that guy and a time machine
Also my grandma and martin short are the same being
July 8, 2023 at 8:20 AM
The ending of the bear makes le think ayo edibiri wasn’t actually throwing up.
When she stood up there was no crust
June 19, 2023 at 11:44 AM
Always waiting for them to drop a new cuss word like when i was little
Cunt was such a surprise
May 25, 2023 at 11:46 PM
There is nothing more intimate
Nothing that i believe in more
Im not religious
But i will follow any of these tiktok fortune tellers to the ends of the earth
They look so deeply into my soul and say so much about me specifically because they address me as you not guys or plural and even thiugh i can see in front of my eyes that the video has 58.4k likes and 175 comments, they are literally speaking only to me. Im the only girl i the world in those moments
“You have been having to givr so much of yourself lately… you’re telling me you are seeking stability that you want things to be different. And don’t worry it will be. I see someone life altering coming into your life, they will be the most positive change as long as you know what you’re getting.”
And im like yeah i am
They say go to part 2 after the full 3 min video for more and babe im already there. Dont worry. Im in for this journey. I don’t want to be rude you’re doing this whole thing special for me.
And then the end of the video they hit me with the biggest fucking slap in the face “like comment and follow me to lock it in, or else none of it will come true.”
May 21, 2023 at 10:30 PM
Just graduated college and napped and during the nap i had a dream that i had a pet hamster who i didn’t feed and then he died and then i was too lazy to remove his cage with his dead hamster body in it.
April 21, 2023 at 8:18 AM
I wish i was a person that h a minion stixker on the back of my car
And now for the first entry I ever wrote (that I have access to given iCloud restrictions/changes in accounts):
November 16, 2017 at 11:15AM
otimovies.to
fmovies.io
watchfree.ws
Moviesplanet.tv
Life was so simple on November 16, 2017. All I needed were four different options for illegal movie streaming and a dream.
Also! I am thinking of starting an advice column. If this post is any evidence, I might be either the worst or the best person for the job of advice-giving, and therefore if you have any queries, situations, even just general hate mail I’d like to hear from you! Please email firstgirlpresidentialadvice@gmail.com
(all advice seekers/askers will be kept anonymous of course)